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Female, From United States
Lives in Ash Sharqia Governorate, Egypt
Speaks English Native
Learning Arabic A1:Beginner
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Member for over 5 years
over 4 years ago
Hello everyone! I must apologize for the delay in posting responses for those who have written. I may not always get to commenting on these as quickly as I like, but be assured, I will do my best to get to them! Here is a great post from one of the users here. I was asked to give some feedback on this and was given permission to post it here so we can all learn. The first paragraph is the paragraph I was presented with. The second, was the basic corrections that were necessary to make these correct sentences. The third, has some suggestions and comments as well. Note: I am familiar with this person so I know I am free to do this. By seeing this picture, you feel calm and fresh. It seems like a backyard of some house and there is a beautiful pond surrounded by stones, trees and bushes.The reflection of tress and bushes in the water is mesmerizing. There are two lounge chairs to enjoy the weather and sun. A part of patio is covered with a shed and some patio furniture is present in that area which is perfect for the parties and enjoy the weekends with friends and family. if i were there, I would definitely enjoy this weather by lying on lounge chair with a cup of a tea and snacks. :) By seeing this picture, you feel calm and fresh. It seems like a backyard of some house and there is a beautiful pond surrounded by stones, trees and bushes. The reflection of trees and bushes in the water is mesmerizing. There are two lounge chairs to enjoy the weather and sun. A part of the patio is covered with a shed and some patio furniture is present in that area, which is perfect for parties and to enjoy the weekends with friends and family. If I were there, I would definitely enjoy this weather by lying on the lounge chair with a cup of tea and snacks. :) By seeing this picture, you immediately feel calm and refreshed. It appears to be a backyard of someone’s house and there is a beautiful pond surrounded by stones, trees and bushes. The reflection of trees and bushes in the water is mesmerizing. Around this cool, rippled mirror, there are two lounge chairs to enjoy the sunny weather. A part of the patio is covered with a shed and some patio furniture is present in that area, which is perfect for parties and to enjoy the weekends with friends and family. If I were there, I would definitely enjoy this weather by lying on the lounge chair with a cup of tea and my favorite snacks. “immediately”-I added this to make this a bit more emphatic about how effective this scene is at producing these feelings. The next sentence is just a more native way of saying this. The first way was technically correct. I love the next sentence and the use of the term “mesmerizing”-it fits the scene very nicely! I added the descriptions of the pond-“cool” to contrast with the sunny weather to add how the pond in this setting helps a person feel refreshed by this scene, as pointed out early in the first paragraph; “rippled mirror” to give a simile to further reinforce that first description. I really like that Surbhi added a personal viewpoint-mentioning how perfect the place was for enjoying weekend parties with friends and family. This draws the reader in by giving them a mental picture to relate to and really get a “feel” of how enjoyable this space is or can be. I had to change “laying” to “lying”. To “lay” requires an object to go with it-“lay the book over there”, be we can enjoy “lying” down. This personal touch was a good finale; the mental image and related sensations of drinking tea and eating favored snacks while reclining comfortably, can be pictured in the mind of the reader as part of a party scene, or as an isolated respite from the stress of the day. Nicely done Surbhi. I look forward to reading more from you!

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